I've thought a lot about the phrase "forgive and forget" lately. I personally find it difficult to do. Forgiving is something I do not struggle with - it may take some time and some work, but eventually I reach the point of total forgiveness, and I hope I deserve the same in return. Offending anyone, for any reason, is definitely not part of my life's agenda. I don't mean to do it. And, when needed, I always apologize for the wrongs I've committed. Actually, many times, I over-apologize which usually makes things worse. Since I was born I've wanted to be a friend to everyone, and make everyone I come in contact with happy. This results in a lot of unnecessary stress that I must deal with. Even when I am not outright responsible for some occurrence or activity, I take it upon myself to make things right, even if I have done no wrong whatsoever. I've struggled with this my whole life. I am very appreciative that most people have been forgiving towards me throughout my life.
Forgetting is something apart from forgiving. I think we try to forget too much. How are we to forget when someone offends, or when something happens? Wouldn't it be nice to simple erase our mental hard drives and honestly forget that something happened? Deleted. Recycle bin. Gone. Our minds don't work this way. There is no limit to what our memories can hold. Images can stay fresh in our minds throughout our entire lives. I think there is a reason for that.
Although it is true that our bodies make us up physically, it would be nonsense to say that is "who we are." We are much more. We are made up of everything we've ever done, said, thought, seen, etc. Experience makes us who we are. If we've done something we shouldn't have done, we remember it so we don't do it again. We shouldn't delete it, or we'd probably fall back into it over and over.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't try to delete our memories or things that we have been a part of. I'm certainly not proud of everything I've done, but I'll always appreciate what and who has made a significant impact on my life. Those are things worth remembering.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Well I did it. Kind of.
About 5 months ago I committed to enter the St. George Triathlon. Brandon, my brother, and his wife, Michelle, had made plans to do the race, but Michelle got pregnant, so I took her place. I've always been a pretty consistent runner - nothing special, but I like to feel like I'm in shape. I felt like a triathlon would definitely be difficult, but a feat worth accomplishing.
I drove to Washington County with Brandon and Michelle, alone in the back seat of a Honda Civic. My legs were pretty cramped, but we had a great time on the road. We stayed at my aunt and uncle's home in Santa Clara. Brandon and I had a hard time falling asleep, he in a room with Michelle and I on the living room couch. Doesn't always seem like you can't fall asleep when you most need it? Like the night before a big test, for example...or the night before your first triathlon. I wanted all the rest I could get cause I knew in a few short hours I'd put my body through something I've never done before. It was also one of those nights just barely chilly enough for some sort of covering, but too hot for anything at the same time. So it was blanket, no blanket, blanket, no blanket...
We woke up this morning around 5:45 and arrived at the race location around 7. We racked our bikes and laid everything out so the transitions would be quick and effortless. Unfortunately, and fortunately, the 800-meter swim was cancelled due to the windy conditions. So, to compensate for the swim, the race directors added another 5K on top of the 5K we were already supposed to run.
The first 5K wasn't so bad. I could've run faster but I knew I had to save some energy. The big surprise, though, was that the entire run was on red sand. Running on sand is much harder than running on pavement, so it took some serious concentration to get through it.
We had rented road bikes in Cedar City, so I felt confident going into the bike. It was so frustrating, however, when I would be pedaling as hard as I could when a 15 yr. old boy would casually fly by. The worst part of the entire race was a hill - a mile long, steep hill in middle of the desert. I had dropped my waterbottle within the first mile of the biking, so I was dehydrated and hot.
I finished the bike and it was onto the red sand again for the last 3+ miles. Hardest.run.ever. I don't know how I finished. Everyone else must've felt the same because even in my condition I still passed a few people. I crossed the finish line pretty exhausted, but feeling great that I had done something new and difficult.
It's been a fun little trip to Southern Utah. I'm thankful for those who came down to support us in the desert sand. Wish you could've been there!